Hey Kids…….I wasnt going to write tonight….but as 1 or 2 of you might have noticed, I havent written for the last 3 or 4 nights, but……I just woke up and its not quite 4am yet, but its close enough, and I decided I owed my several thousands (pffft) of readers some sort of valid explanation as to why I would start such a ridiculously unique, entertaining and compelling blog…..write it 4 nights in a row and then just disappear!!

Well, it could be one or more on any of the following list of reasons:

1. I have developed some neuro-muscular handicaps that is making it physically incapable of actually typing. (you can think about that….but only for a matter of seconds)

2.I did not fully think out the ramifications, consequences, political pitfalls, and other hazardous things that might come along with being a successful(pfft) Blogger

3. I have honestly led a very sheltered life, I was home schooled by a sickly Aunt who only spoke Yiddish, never bothered to teach me the language and most of my first 30 years consisted of playing chess with an imaginary enemy and listening to my one record that my aunt bought me, 1001 sound effects they use in Real technicolor Motion Pictures. All of this being true, I have run out of things to possibly Blog About

4. Gerald Ford (Im afraid only those of you of a certain age , will get that reference and joke…..and all I can really say to help you out is “Jane, You ignorant slut!”)

5 . Ive been wanting to talk about sex, but everytime I start to write about it, I realize Salt-N-Pepa really said all there was to say in the 90’s and i feel a little inadequate

6. Ive gotten some non threatening emails and comments that have nonetheless made me feel threatened about saying another word

7. Gerald Ford(see above)

While none of these are “actually” true….some vague representation of some of them might be, Im sorting it out. I bought Bloggers for dummies, but of course (oh cmon …are you gonna really make me say it?!!)  Im too dumb to read it!!  but seriously….(is that possible?)  I dont know all the rules, I jumped into this whole Blogging thing to become ridiculously wealthy and even more loveable than I already was. i didnt know there were actual things I should know…or not know…or whatever……..but apparently….the fact that its 4am does not give me free reign to just blurt out any thing i feel like saying…….apparently if Im going to Blog about real people, which I have occasionally done, I should think thru what Im saying before I say it….because it may be fucked up…..and its still gonna be there for all of you to read the next day. Now dont get me wrong….in my perfect world….thats exactly how Id like it, but until I become the recluse I long to be, and I have to see people and be in a social setting, like work, and talking to real people (sigh) I need to consider these things…….

So Basically what Im saying here…..and I really gotta go get some sleep, guys…….is I havent gone anywhere….Im still gonna be telling you my stories and giving you my controversial opinions on everything from the crazy movie theater prices Putin has demanded for any movie starring Ben Affleck or Pauly Shore to the 18 basic techniques of touching a woman on the shoulder while alternately sending “youre interested” signals and “completely grossing them out”   Im gonna be here , most mornings, connecting, and winning over your hearts……or the opposite

Peace and Love , peace and Love

Alan

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